An Adoptive Mothers Guilt

An Adoptive Mothers Guilt goes beyond Mothers Guilt.

First, A Mothers Guilt:

Most of us seem to have it, hiding somewhere in the backs of our minds.

  • Is our child getting enough sleep?
  • Should I have breast fed longer or at all?
  • Are they eating too much sugar?
  • Should I be buying more organic food?
  • Is TV ruining my child?
  • Am I spoiling my child?
  • Am I keeping things fair between my children?
  • Do I read or play enough with my child?

Pretty much, am I messing up my kids?!?! And worse, am I failing as a mother?

I could keep adding to this list of worries but I would rather not add any to the list you already keep in your head.
Now add special circumstances to our parenting and the worries can grow. As a mother through adoption
I added to my mommy guilt.

Enter in an Adoptive Mothers Guilt:

  • I never had the opportunity to breast feed my child so in enters mothers guilt.
  • When I am disciplining my child I worry that one my child will wish they never had me as a mother.
  • When I sign my child up for school or an activity I worry they will not be the only non-Caucasian one there.
  • When I watch movies with my child about adoption I worry that they may misunderstand their own adoption.
  • The big mothers guilt one of course is that the only reason why I get to be a mother is because of another
    mothers dismal circumstances.

Perhaps some of these worries come from a place of “Mother Bear” rather then an adoptive mothers guilt.

So often I have these thoughts running through my head. But you know what!?! Over the years this guilt has begun to fade.

I have been able to get past my own adoptive mothers guilt by watching my children flourish. I know them so well that I
can’t help but see why God placed them in my care and made Mark & I their parents. Like a puzzle we all fit together.

Just as we were chosen by God our children were also chosen by God. He had control of our adoption process so of course
he had control over who were to become our children. These boys personalities fit perfectly within our family. They were
meant to be MY sons and they were meant to be brothers.

The joy is seeing how perfect my family fits together, how much we belong together, makes all my adoptive mothers guilt fade away.

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